New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
