so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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