On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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