i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just threw up on my dentist
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize