you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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