Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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