his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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