dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
