I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize