she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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