And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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