Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it's like heaven, but drunker
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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