Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize