They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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