Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
