and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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