my mouth tastes like poor choices
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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