I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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