You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
