Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
