Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
