Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
