I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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