okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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