$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
