sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
