Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
