So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
