dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
