It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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