'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize