So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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