bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
