after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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