yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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