Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
so much tequila, so little girl.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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