This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
