when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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