TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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