Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
