He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize