Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
