Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
