There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
