Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
