Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
