hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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