The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
