Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
