Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
