I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
