My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
