so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
