And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
