She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize