They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your penis caused this!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
