We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
