I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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