Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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