ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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