just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
