Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
