I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
