Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize