He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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