just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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