That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
