i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
