I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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