where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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