Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
