I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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