my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize