a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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