So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
