i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
