ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize