Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
