Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
