I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
