After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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