Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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