i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
zippers are such a cool invention
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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