nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
