Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
did you just send me my own nude
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
