you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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