belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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