I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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