before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and she was petting her beer can
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
