Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
